i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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