Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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