Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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