btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
