Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
