I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
