and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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