Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
