So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
