I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
