I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
