my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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