Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
