george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
