Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
