I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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