Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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