Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
