You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
