Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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