I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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