didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I still have a little drunk in my system
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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