did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
