he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize