I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
