Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
