matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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