If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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