hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
