We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
