____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
