peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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