You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
