she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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