good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
