What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize