When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
