I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
