You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
