Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
soo... how was my night?
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