i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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