just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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