Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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