..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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