I hate your face
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
