I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
