And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I didn't shave. On purpose
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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