Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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