so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
