Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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