Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
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No I am not eating basil off your cock
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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