bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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