Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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