I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He passed out mid-signature
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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