You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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