Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
