Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
