I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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