You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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