All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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