you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
