I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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