so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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