I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
