I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
