is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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