you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
