Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
where am i from again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
