wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
