Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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