Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
